If you are actively engaged in business development, there
will come a time when you will feel like you botched a conversation or lost the
pitch. These experiences can be demoralizing. Many people focus on the one
point in the meeting where the conversation seemed to turn, amplifying the
negative implications of that single point in time. As a result, either
consciously or unconsciously, many retreat from proactive business development
activities including direct client contact. That’s not good.
Failures happen to all of us. We all say things we wish we
hadn’t. The key is in how one deals with the failed meeting. New research
suggests that re-imaging the meeting leads to a more constructive understanding
of what transpired and can change your view of the meeting- and with it your
willingness to engage in other meetings.
The research,
conducted by Professor Ed Watkins at the University of
Exeter is surprising because typically running over troubling events, or
ruminating, is linked to worsening
depression and feelings of anxiety.
According to
Professor Watkins, “this method of re-imagining is different because it is
constructive. We know from
research that rumination about upsets and losses is a big factor in getting and
staying anxious and depressed. And that this can lead to less motivation to
engage in those uncomfortable situations in the future.”
Dwelling on the Process as Opposed to the Presumed Outcome.
So how does one do this ‘re-imaging?’ The trick is to focus
on the specific sensory details, context and sequence of the meeting rather
than on the meaning or implications of the meeting.
In professor
Watkins’ studies, people were trained to focus on the sensory details of an
upsetting experience. By doing this, they rewired their brains to learn from
experiences rather than ruminate about experiences.
For example, after the meeting take a moment to review the
sensory details, context and sequence of the meeting. Think about the sensory
details such as the client’s tone of voice or their facial expressions and body
language. Review the context of the discussion by thinking about the exact
words used by each of the people in the discussion. Then consider the sequence
of the discussion. What was discussed beforehand and what was discussed
afterward?
The mind has a
tendency to jump to the implication and meaning of the discussion, often times
before the implications are even known. It is the primal ‘flight or fight’
reaction we have to stressful events or stimuli. Examining the details of the
discussion immediately following the meeting however focuses your mind on ways
in which the meeting might have been improved. This gives you a greater sense
of awareness and control that can be used in the next client meeting. Focusing
on the potential negative outcomes and applying a meaning to actions and words
gives you a distinct sense that you are not in control which leads to
rumination about the negative potential consequences.
Lack of control
is why many people shy away from business development. Business development can
be uncomfortable and foreign, feelings that are reinforced when the meeting
doesn’t go well. Re-imaging helps you regain that control, focus on the
positive aspects of the meeting and give you the tools to positively influence
the outcome of your next meeting.